


Twin Sized Mattress

by throam (orphan_account)



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 19:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11743500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/throam
Summary: Brendon gets a girlfriend. Ryan's heart is broken.





	Twin Sized Mattress

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from 'twin sized mattress' by the front bottoms :)

"So what's up Ryan's ass?" Brendon asked, lingering in the kitchenette of Spencer's apartment while Jon and Spencer were playing some game on the TV.

"Your dick, I'd assume?" Spencer retorted, making Jon snort.

"Moron." Brendon hissed, rolling his eyes. "Seriously. What's up with him?"

"Ryan, he's.. When did he leave, anyway?" Jon mused, keeping most of his attention on the screen.

"Seriously, guys? He left a half hour ago. You'd hardly win the good friend award." Brendon said, frowning.

"Psh. Thats not even a real thing. And besides, he probably just needs to sleep or something. Maybe he wanted to read his pretentious books in peace." Spencer said, giving Brendon a sideways glance. "So do you wanna play? Jon here's hardly a tough competition."

After an hour or two, Brendon stood up, stretching before mumbling something about going home because he needs to do laundry.

"Fucking laundry?" Jon asked after Brendon had left. "Brendon. Laundry. I think I can see a herd of pigs flying overhead!"

"He's probably gone to visit Ryan. They're fucking inseperable sometimes."

***  
Brendon really did have to do laundry. He was running out of clean shirts at an alarming pace because he'd spent so many nights at Spencer's, watching movies and eating takeout with the guys. After tours, it was always weird to go home and sit in the lonely silence. But maybe laundry could wait an hour or two. He had to visit Ryan. To see if he was okay. They're best friends, after all, Brendon thought as he pulled up to the parking lot of Ryan's block.

He let himself in the apartment with his spare key that Ryan had given him as soon as he moved in. "Heaven knows why I'm giving the only spare key to you," Ryan had said. He hadn't misplaced it yet.

"Ry? Hey, it's me." Brendon called out into the dark hall as he stepped through the door.

"In the kitchen." he heard Ryan call back.

"Ryan, hey. Are you okay? Is there something wrong?" Brendon said, his voice low. He sat in the chair next to Ryan's to see that he had an open notebook in front of him. Ryan pushed it closed before sitting up to look at him.

"Yeah, I'm good." he said, a little quietly.

"Why are you sitting in the dark? Are you sure something's not wrong?"

"I uh, I just have a migraine. Nothing to worry about." Ryan forced a smile.

"If there's something, uh, something on your mind. You can talk to me, you know that?"

"Brendon, I'm fine. I promise." Ryan said with a bright voice. Forced, but bright nonetheless.

"Okay, Ry. Need some company?"

Yes, Ryan thought. "No, thanks, Bren. I was just gonna go to bed, anyway."

"Well, I'll see ya round." Brendon smiled. "Call me if you need something." He leaned forward to hug Ryan, who briefly leaned in a little closer.

"See you tomorrow or whenever," Ryan said, a little distracted as he pulled back.

"Love you," Brendon said as he stood up, walking down the hall.

"Love you too, Bren."

***  
Ryan's phone buzzed loudly, waking him up. God, what time is it? He picked it up to see a text from Brendon.

_morning, ry. feeling better? come round if u wanna_

He put down his phone for a moment, before picking it up and typing a reply.

_sure, i'll b there in 20._

Keeping to his word, Ryan showered, dressed and drove to Brendon's place in near enough 20 minutes. He let himself in with his key, Brendon had given Ryan, Jon and Spencer all a spare key when he bought the apartment.

"Hi, Ry." Brendon said, smiling tiredly.

"Hey, Brendon." he replied, his voice still a little weary. "I hope you know that I'm probably gonna fall asleep any time soon."

"Didn't get much sleep?"

"No it, uh, kept me up most of the night." Ryan said, sitting next to Brendon on the small sofa. "The migraine."

"Yeah, go ahead and sleep. I was just gonna watch a movie or something."

"What are we watching?" Ryan smiled sleepily as Brendon leaned his head on his shoulder.

Brendon smiled back even though Ryan wasn't looking. "Moulin Rouge."

When Ryan woke up, limbs tangled with Brendon's, he almost forgot what he was upset about. Almost. The movie had finished, but he didn't want to wake Brendon up, so he stayed where he was.

Brendon made an incoherent sound before muttering "What time is it?"

"Almost four." Ryan said flatly.

"I never did my laundry." Brendon frowns in realisation.

"Yeah, yeah, I should get going."

"We could watch another movie? I rented Fight Club!"

"Nah, I think I'm gonna head home." Ryan said, ignoring that one thing that he'd wrote that said something about how he feels more at home with him than... Nope, he ignored that.

"Ryan, are you sure there's nothing on your mind?" Brendon asked, his tone sincere.

"Yes, I'm sure, Brendon."

"It's not like you to deny watching Fight Club with me," he protested, sounding hurt.

"Why don't you just watch it with your girlfriend. Or something." Ryan spat, sounding more venomous than he'd intended.

"So that's what this is all about? You're fucking jealous that I have a girlfriend." Brendon stated, confrontationally.

"No, that's not. Look, Brendon. I just want to go home. Okay?"

"Sure, Ryan. Maybe call me when you're not so pissy about my relationship."

"Fuck you, Brendon." Ryan hissed, full of venom. "Fuck. You." he repeated as he stormed out of the apartment.

He sat in his car for a minute or two. Collecting his thoughts. And not hoping that Brendon would come and join him. Nope. Wasn't thinking that.

"Fuck him." Ryan said aloud as he began to drive away, before wincing at his choice of words.

***  
"And then he just told me to 'go watch it with my girlfriend or something'. I mean, seriously? _'Or something'?_ He's so childish sometimes." Brendon fumed.

"He doesn't like, _like_ you, does he?" Audrey asked, visibly uncomfortable. Brendon winced, pushing the guilty thoughts away before he could dwell on them.

"What? No, of course not. We're best friends. He's just acting strange. It's been two weeks and he still hasn't called me!"

"Well have _you_ called _him_?" Audrey asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"No. Because I told him to call me when he'd gotten the fuck over it!" Brendon said, exasperatedly. Audrey frowned at this, but stayed quiet.

"Well. Okay. So where should we go out on Friday?" She asked, swiftly changing the subject before Brendon could think about it anymore.

***  
"So what's up with you and Brendon?" Spencer said, the second Ryan had walked into the lounge. Give me a fucking break, Ryan thought.

"What makes you think something's happened." Ryan said flatly.

"Well first and foremost, you won't stop moping around. Neither will he. You're avoiding each other. You keep on tiptoeing around making plans and you won't come along if he's there. And vice versa. You haven't spoken to each other in three weeks, for Christ's sake! It's like that time you guys kissed in spin the bottle and th-"

"Okay, Spencer. I fucking _get_ it. So Brendon and I had a little, ah, disagreement."

"About?"

"Fuck, well. You know about me and Brendon, yeah?" Ryan said, sitting on the other end of the sofa.

"Mm. Vaguely." Spencer nodded, understandingly.

"Well before he started dating Audrey. Like two weeks before. We were just talking, you know, the bus had just parked up somewhere. And he looked at me and he told me that h-" he stopped talking before he realised that he was choking back tears. He wiped away the tears, wet on his cheeks, and looked over at Spencer. "Sorry. It's pretty fucking stupid."

"No, man, I get you. It was a dick move on his half, honestly. But you know what I think?" Spencer asked, affirmatively, not waiting for an answer. "He's in denial. Audrey's a great girl, but Brendon? I know him. See what I mean?"

Ryan shook his head, and felt his eyelashes still wet on his cheeks. "Spence, I just. I fucking love him, y'know? It sucks."

Spencer nods, understandingly. Ryan wouldn't have told anyone else.

  
***  
"So, uh." Jon asked, to both Brendon and Spencer. "The tour's coming up pretty soon, huh? Have, uh. Have Brendon and Ryan made up?" Brendon shoots a glare at him, hoping that it conveys his answer.

"Ok, fuck this." Spencer piped up, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Brendon, call Ryan."

"Fuck you. No." Brendon persisted, stubbornly. "I told _him_ to call me."

"Brendon, he's a fucking mess. The guy would not take it upon himself to fix this when it's broken him!" Spencer yelled, though his eyes suggested that he'd revealed too much and he knows it.

"What?"

"Just," Spencer closed his eyes impatiently, lowering his voice slightly. "Sort it out, please, Brendon. We have a tour coming up, and I'm not letting you guys on the bus until you play nice."

Brendon muttered a goodbye to Spencer and a silent Jon, sidling to his car to call Ryan, his finger hovering uncertainly over number four on his keypad, Ryan's speed dial.

"Hey, Ryan." Brendon said, after finally mustering up the courage to press call.

"Brendon. Hi." Ryan said monotonously.

"So uh. I'm sorry I yelled at you. It was uncalled for, and I was kind of a dick. I miss you." Brendon replied, biting his lip as he waited for a reply. There was a long pause before Ryan replied.

"Okay. I'm not mad at you, you know, Bren." Ryan replied, softly.

"You're not?" Brendon said, softening a little.

"No. I'm just kind of a mess. You probably knew." Ryan said, his voice teetering on the edge of breaking.

"It's just - I don't see why this affects you, you know? I thought we were both happy as we were.

"Yeah, as we were." Ryan echoed. "Before Au- Y'know what, never mind. Apology accepted."

"Before Audrey, you mean." Brendon countered flatly. "You said you didn't want me like that."

"Because I don't want to fucking hurt you, Bren." Ryan said, wearily.

"You don't need to worry. I have a girlfriend."

"You don't need to keep saying it." Ryan whispered.

"Even if I don't say it, Ry, it's still true."

"Brendon, it's almost like you don't fucking care that a month ago you told me that you could live in that moment forever. But I bet you said that to your girlfriend, too, huh?" Ryan said harshly.

"Yeah? And it's almost like you didn't tell me that we could never date, because we're not meant for that!" Brendon raised his voice, clutching his phone.

"I've already told you, Bren." Ryan said quietly. "I love you but it's not - we'd fucking crash and burn, you and I."

I love you. Sometimes that's a chance you have to take, Brendon thought.

"I've apologised. That should be enough." Brendon said, lowering his voice modestly. "I hope you're at practice tomorrow, Ry, The tour's in a week." He waited for Ryan's reply until the line was clicked dead.

***  
Despite the argument over the phone, Ryan wasn't about to betray the band. He was the first one at the studio the next morning, and when Brendon eventually arrived, he tensed up.

"Morning, Ryan." he managed, his tone stiff. Ryan nodded politely, looking away when Brendon settled into the sofa next to him. "What you, uh. What you said yesterday, Ry. You didn't mean that, right?"

Ryan didn't bother asking Brendon to specify what he meant.

"Does it fucking matter?" Ryan asked, raising his voice angrily.

"Of course it fucking does!" Brendon said, with a hint of pleading under his anger.

"Just fucking run to your girlfriend. Live happily ever after and tell her what you told me, Brendon."

"Fuck. Off." Was all Brendon could manage before Ryan lunged forward across the sofa to kiss him angrily. God, it had been so long. He missed him. Brendon kissed back, biting on Ryan's lower lip hard enough to draw blood. "Shit, sorry." He muttered, catching his breath before bringing their mouths together again.

After a few moments, they heard the footsteps, presumably Jon or Spencer, and Ryan shot toward to his side of the sofa, inevitably building another wall between them.

"Hey guys," Jon sang as Spencer followed behind him. "We have a lot of work to do,"

And with that, Ryan stood without so much as a second glance.

After practice was over, Brendon followed Ryan out of the studio and took hold of his shoulder in an attempt to slow him down.

"Bren. Just, give me space? Please?" Ryan asked, sighing exasperatedly.

"Ryan- Just. Know that I do. Love you. And I know it's not that easy, but we ca-"

"Brendon, please? I'll text you later." Ryan said, climbing into his car and driving away before he could say anything else.

Later, as it turns out, wasn't until Wednesday, the night before they were setting off for the Circus tour. Brendon looked over at his phone, which was balanced precariously on top of his overpacked bag. He read over the message from Ryan.

_sorry i didn't txt u earlier. i've been thinking a lot._

He quickly keyed in a reply, smiling.

_i have, too._

Jon and Spencer were already in their bunks on the new bus by the time Brendon and Ryan had the time to talk. Brendon was curled in the 'comfy chair' of the lounge area, as he'd deemed it, reading someone's book. Probably Ryan's.

"Ryan. Hi." Brendon said, sounding surprised as Ryan sat close to him.

"So, uh. I'm sorry I kissed you last week. That was a dick move. Because Audrey. But as long as you're happy, Bren, I'm happy." Ryan sighed, taking the book from Brendon's hands and placing it on the end of the sofa.

"Ryan. I, um." Brendon began. He giggled. "Audrey, she uh. I broke up with her."

Ryan's eyes widened. "You broke up with your girlfriend?"

"It wasn't like," Brendon stuttered. "She um, she cheated on me. Twice."

"Wait. Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

Brendon smiled smugly. "You never gave me the chance."

"You're a little bitch, Brendon Urie." Ryan laughed fondly. He took Brendon's shoulders and pulled him closer, pulled him into a kiss, short and tentative.

"Ryan? I actually do love you, y'know?" Brendon whispered, his arms laced around Ryan's waist.

"I know. That's why I doubted us."

"Sometimes it's a chance you have to take." Brendon whispered into Ryan's neck. Ryan ran his fingers through Brendon's hair, his fucking hair. "You know. Fucking live in the moment, or when will you live?"

"I know, Bren. I fucking know. I love you too much to bear risking it."

"Love me or don't. It's still a risk we have to take." Brendon sighed, looking up at Ryan, his pupils blown. Ryan was at a loss for words. Instead he pulled Brendon closer, and kissed him again, the sound of the hum of the engine and their heartbeats echoing in his ears.

**Author's Note:**

> is it really a ryden fic if they don't watch moulin rouge :')


End file.
